the king beneath the mountains,
the king of carven stone,
the lord of silver fountains
shall come into his own!
You probably know why you’re getting this message. And it’s not the kind of message anyone likes to get. But I’m sending it because I don’t want it to be like before. Where I just disappear and leave the people who give a damn holding the bag. Maybe I’m going out on a limb here thinking it still matters to you, but at least if I’m wrong I won’t be around to find out. Small comforts, right?
We’re going through the Omega 4. Garrus. Tali. Joker. We’re all in. One way trip. Time to make this whole charade at least mean something.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Too much, probably. Not really what I’m good at. Though maybe if I’d done it a little more a little sooner I wouldn’t be in this mess. Because the truth is…you were right. About Cerberus. About me. About everything. I should have told you that on Horizon. I should have done a lot of things.
Sometimes I can’t help but think if you’d just been there when I woke up in that bed maybe I wouldn’t have sold my soul to the devil without even realizing it. If I even still have one to sell. But that’s not on you. That’s on me. For being blind to the truth unless you’re standing there with a flashlight.
I’m so tired, Kaidan. Never been this tired. I’ve given everything I have and it’s not enough. Even my life wasn’t enough, because it turns out that doesn’t belong to me either. The mission comes first. It’s always come first. I don’t even know what comes second. If there was anything I ever wanted for myself I don’t remember what it is, much less how to ask for it. I guess all I really want is for it to be over.
Maybe that’s what I want you to know. That no matter who’s pulling the strings now, it’s ending on my terms. I have a job to do. The Collectors have to be stopped. I’m going to stop them. But after that…I’ve had enough.
I don’t belong anywhere. Not anymore. And that’s ok. You play the hand you’re dealt. It’s not so bad. After all, everything I’d want to come back to I’m taking with me.
Sorry. I don’t mean to put all this on you. It’s not fair. I don’t even have the guts to say it face to face. Instead I’m putting my words in a ghost that doesn’t have the decency to die and leave you alone. But. I needed someone out there to be thinking of me. Even if they didn’t want to be.
So thanks for listening. Thanks…for reminding me who I used to be.